Showing posts with label Conflict Management. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conflict Management. Show all posts

Sunday, August 9, 2009

The Opening Of The Speech: Very Critical For Success

Speaking is a great skill. Through speaking you are sharing your ideas with your audience. If you can successfully communicate then they will influenced by your ideas and their leel of influence is the parameter to measure your success as a speaker. And to have success in speaking, we need to have a good Opening.

You have now reached that long dreaded moment—you have to stand up and start speaking. What do you say? How do you get started? Remember that the primacy effect will ensure that what you say in the first few sentences will be among the best remembered parts of the talk, remember that first impressions are lasting impressions: so how are you going to get started effectively? As with everything in speaking, thought makes the problem easier. There are a variety of starting tactics, and you can select between them on the basis of your own experience, as well as the type of audience. The opening which every speaker wants to make, but few succeed in pulling off, is the dramatic start with an arresting fact, quotation, or remark. Something surprising, exciting, disturbing, or plain unusual; something which will make the audience gasp with admiration, and sit up to take notice for the rest of the talk.

Not many speakers manage this effect, though everyone seems to dream of it. If you have such a fact or idea, it is certainly worth trying, for it does have the effect of alerting the listeners, and focusing their minds on the subject of the presentation. But it is difficult to achieve just the right tone of confidence, and drama, in the first sentences. One problem is that it is often difficult to get the first few words in the right tone, volume, and steadiness. Only when the voice has warmed up, can it be relied upon to produce the right effect. It is often more sensible, particularly if you are inexperienced as a speaker, to start with the simple matters of fact that the audience need to know.

What questions will be in the audience’s minds at the beginning of the talk? To being with, simple practical matters like what is the talk about? Who are you? What are your qualifications, experience, and interests? How will it help them? Why should it interest them? What right have you to be speaking to them on this topic? These are the questions likely to be occupying the audience’s minds, and they will need an answer before they will open their minds to the information you have to give. They will not make their memories available to you until they are sure the effort will not be wasted. If you do not satisfy some of these points, the lingering doubt will corrupt the input of information, and continue to interfere with their perception of your message.

Satisfying these questions is so important that even if you do start with a successful attention jerker, you will need to indicate answers to most of these questions within the first few minutes. You may have been introduced by a chairperson, who should have covered these points. But if he or she hasn’t, try to fill in the missing details. It is undoubtedly much easier to listen to someone if you know exactly who and what they are, and what they are talking about. The easiest opening tactic is to reinforce what the chairperson said in introducing you. Extend it, fill in the gaps, but do not just repeat it. It gets you off the ground with the talk, and once you have started, it is easier to carry on talking.

The first task, then, is to establish rapport with the audience, gaining its confidence, and thereby making it prepared to give attention. To do this, explain how and why you are there, and what previous contacts you have had with this and similar organizations. It is also wise to check that you can be heard. These preparatory stages should not be allowed to take a lot of time; but briefly and clearly stated they are useful opening tactics. Thus, for example, a speaker’s first sentences might be:

I’ve been invited by Dr. XXXXXX to talk to you about the software of voice-recognition programs. I worked on this problem for nearly ten years with JCN, a company very similar to yours. I now run my own software house, and have talked to many groups like yours. Incidentally, can you hear me all right at the back? I’m going to talk for about 30 minutes on three main topics…
To ensure that these important points are not missed, construct your opening sentences from a check list, such as this. Don’t launch into an autobiography, each point needs only a single phrase, but it is useful for the audience to know these things:
  1. Who invited me here, or arranged the talk?
  2. What is the title of the talk?
  3. Have I given a presentation to this, or any similar organization before?
  4. What is my present job, or status, in which organization?
  5. Can they hear me at the back?
  6. How long am I going to talk for?
  7. What are the main sections in my talk?
If you draft simple answers to these questions, and mention them in the first minute of your talk, you will help to ensure that the audience is content to listen to you.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

7 Step Approach to Communicate with Angry People

The key then to defusing these types of situations and handling them more confidently is as follows:
  • get the right inner voice
  • use the right body language
  • apply critical listening
  • summarize what the other person has said to check that you have properly understood the situation. (This also reassures them that you have actually listened to them)
  • apologize if necessary and empathize
  • ask open questions
  • tell them what you are going to do to resolve the problem
And finally do it!

Communication with Angry People

It is never very easy communicating with angry people and when we are faced with anger we often go on the defensive, understandably so because it feels like we are being attacked, verbally! Our instinct is to either lash out (fight back) or run away (flight). Sometimes flight is the best option, distancing yourself before saying something you might regret later. Or if the angry person is coming at you with a knife, for example, then running away is decidedly the best option!

Getting angry with someone who is angry with you will only escalate the situation so it is best if you can deal with this as calmly and as assertively as possible.

Your inner voice is critical here. Instead of thinking ‘How dare this person speak to me like this’, which will only make you aggressive towards them, it is far better to tell yourself to keep calm, that you can handle it.

My own response to anger is to depersonalize it by thinking, ‘Why is this person behaving like this? There must be a reason.’ You need to keep an open mind as to what is causing that anger, trying to see it from the other person’s viewpoint.

When someone is angry it is not usually you they are angry with but the situation. Something has happened to make them angry. You need to deal with it before it escalates into a personal attack.

Get the right body language and inner voice

Body language is critical here. Keep your posture as upright and open as possible, telling yourself, ‘I can handle this, I can deal with this, I can keep calm.’ Take slow breaths. Keep your eye contact on the other person and lean towards them. This takes courage. Mirror the other person’s body language if you can but obviously if they are waving a fist at you it is not advisable to mirror this! What I mean is that if they are standing you should stand too, if they are sitting then sit down.

What to do next

Once you have got your inner voice under control and your body language right, listen hard to what they are saying. When people are angry they do not always express themselves clearly, in fact they rarely do. They let off steam. Allow them to do this and don’t interrupt them. Let them have their say. You can never reason with someone until they have worked their anger out. When they have said what they needed to say then you can start asking them questions but before you do this summarize what they have said, stating the position as they see it. This enables you to check that you have fully understood the situation and shows them that you have listened. Keep your voice assertive, i.e. steady and controlled, neither shouting nor mumbling.

For example:

‘So what you’re saying, Mr. Smith, is that we promised to come and see you on Thursday and after waiting in all day, no one turned up?’

‘Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I had to take a whole day off work.’

Empathize if you need to and apologize if you or your organization is in the wrong.

‘I do apologize Mr. Smith. I recognize how irritating and inconvenient that must have been for you. Now, let me take some details and sort this out for you. What is the order number?’

Here I have apologized and empathized with him (well who wouldn’t?) and then asked him an open question to get the facts. By this time hopefully Mr. Smith is calming down.

Sometimes you can also de-escalate this situation by asking the angry person what action they would like you to take. This puts the initiative (and the solution) firmly back with them, sometimes taking them by surprise and catching them off guard.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

BASIC: Strategy To Manage Conflict

Sometimes, conflict can be happened in our professional work as well as our personal life. We need to know the technique to manage the conflicts. As it's normal to have some conflicts and a smart professional will always manage those conflicts in such a way, that ultimately give that person an added advantage over others.

Here, i am trying to give you an idea about BASIC, the strategy you can follow to manage conflicts with others. And i also present some tips which will give you some edge over your colleague; even sometimes over your boss.

BASICS

  • B – Back down: Usually the other person is just as interested in saving face as you are, so give them a way out. Provide a graceful way out.
  • A – Apologize: Say you are sorry or “excuse me” – it doesn’t mean that you are wrong or weak to use courtesy.
  • S – Stay centered: Stay in control. Don’t let someone else lure you into a fight.
  • I – It isn’t worth it: Point out that it’s not worth fighting about. Lighten things up a bit. Make a joke – but not at the other person’s expense.
  • C – Keep it cool: Keep your voice low and steady and calm. Again, stay in control.
  • S – Stand in the other person’s shoes: Try to relate to the other person. Try to understand what they want or need.

Some Useful Tips for De-Escalating a Potential Conflict:
  • Speak softly. Speak slowly. Look at the person – but don’t stare.
  • Be aware of your body language.
  • Try to relax.
  • Remember to breathe.
  • Repeat sentences for clarity. “I think I heard you say…”
  • Watch your language. Words such as “maybe” “what if” “I feel” “perhaps” tend to de-escalate.
  • Affirm and acknowledge the other person’s point of view.

Ways To Resolve Conflict: Conflict Management

If you view conflict as something that should not happen, something that harms relationships, it becomes negative. And then avoid it and hope it would go away. But if you see conflict as a fact of life, an opportunity to strengthen relationships, you have a way to resolving conflict by turning it into something creative.

Try these 10 ways to resolve conflict:

1. Agree on a mutually acceptable time and place to discuss the conflict.

2. State the problem as you see it and list your concerns.
  • Make “I” statements.
  • Withhold judgments, accusations, and absolute statements (“always” or “never”).
3. Let the other person have his/her say
  • Do not interrupt or contradict.
  • Do not allow name-calling, put-downs, threats, obscenities, yelling or intimidatingbehavior.
4. Listen and ask questions
  • Ask fact-based questions (who? where? what? when? how?) to make sure you understand the situation.
  • Ask exploratory questions (what if? what are you saying? is this the only solution to your problem? what if did such and such? are there other alternatives to this situation?).
  • Avoid accusatory “why” questions (why are you like that?).
  • Use your own words to restate what you think the other person means and wants.
  • Acknowledge person’s feelings and perceptions.
5. Stick to one conflict at a time – to the issue at hand.
  • Do not change the subject or allow it to be changed. (“I understand your concern but I’d like to finish what we’re talking about at the moment before we discuss it.”)
6. Seek common ground
  • What do you agree on.
  • What are your shared concerns.
7. Brainstorm solutions to the conflict that allow everyone to win

8. Request behavior changes only
  • Do not ask others to change their attitudes.
  • Do not ask them to “feel” differently about something.
  • Do not ask them to “be” different.
  • If you want them to “stop doing” something, suggest an alternative solution.
9. Agree to the best way to resolve the conflict and to a timetable for implementing it.
  • Who will do what by when?
10. If the discussion breaks down, reschedule another time to meet. Consider bringing in a third party.