Nervous Body Language: That Kills You As Speaker

One hand gripping the other behind the back is an attempt at confidence but there is frustration, lack of self-control and the person is trying hard to seem relaxed – look for how hard the hand is gripping the wrist. If the hands are held quite high behind the back this often indicates timidity. The hand moved even further up the arm indicates tension and nervousness.

Fingers in the mouth can also show people under pressure.

Touching the face or stroking the back of the neck can signal embarrassment and rubbing, stroking or touching the nose means the person is not sure and possibly has negative thoughts; if poor or no eye contact accompanies this then he could be lying.

Touching the ear may indicate that the person doesn’t like what he/she is hearing. Watch for this in meetings and sales situations and examine what it is you have just said to get this response.

Touching the eyes could indicate that the person doesn’t like what he or she is seeing. Watch for a shifting in body language along with this and consider the situation and the dialogue.

Foot lock – this tends to be a woman-only gesture where one foot is wrapped round the other leg. It is construed as a defensive attitude.

Beware of Mannerisms: They Disclose Yourself To Others

We all form certain mannerisms like pulling the eyebrow, rubbing the nose etc. We need to be aware of these because they may be giving out the wrong signals. The best way to know if you are doing this is to watch a video recording of yourself, or get a friend to tell you each time you make a nervous mannerism.

A Senior Communication Expert told me a story, some years ago he was working with a young lady who always put her hand over her mouth when she spoke. This gave out the impression that she was lying or was uncertain of herself. He asked her why she did this and she told him that when she was younger she suffered from terrible acne, which caused her considerable distress and embarrassment so she had got into the habit of covering her face when she spoke so people couldn’t see her skin. The habit had stuck long after her skin had cleared.

Here are some further body language signals that you might like to be aware of.

Sitting down with the hands and arms clasped behind the head

This is a superior gesture or exhibits extreme confidence sometimes bordering on arrogance. It can also be accompanied by the chin held high.

Leg lock – when one ankle is crossed over the knee of the other

This denotes a dominant and competitive personality. The higher the leg is crossed over the more dominant and competitive. If the person is also holding his leg this means he is stubborn and unmoving, he’s made his mind up.

If the thumbs are on display in an upward position this shows that they are in charge! This is often a familiar stance of a barrister in a courtroom. Some speakers also adopt this posture, which can be rather intimidating towards the audience.

Another variation of this is when the thumbs protrude from the pockets, which displays dominance.

Thumbs wrapped round belt: If a man is standing with his legs firmly planted apart, thumbs in belt pose, with fingers pointing down towards crotch area this is an aggressive posture when adopted facing another man. If, however, a man adopts this posture towards a woman then it can be interpreted as a sexual gesture.

In recent years some women have also adopted this posture, in this instance it exhibits an attitude of dominance and sexual control over men.

Hands on hips: This is an aggressive and threatening gesture when used by a man or when used by a woman to another woman. If a woman adopts this posture towards a man then it can be interpreted as a sexual stance.

Strategy To Set Your Body Language Before Entering Into Crowded Room

Nearly everyone at some time feels nervous when entering a crowded room. Even that confident-looking man or woman in the corner probably has butterflies inside them. So how can you alleviate these feelings and make new contacts and friends in this situation?

First make sure you have taken care over your appearance and that you are wearing the appropriate clothes for the occasion. Wear something that makes you feel good, that you know suits you and wear colours that enhance your confidence and not drain it. Also ensure that you are well groomed and for women, wearing make up can considerably enhance your confidence,
particularly lipstick.

Many people fear entering a crowded room because they are afraid that everyone will be looking at them. They won’t. I promise you that unless you are a famous actor, royal personage, celebrity, or Prime Minister/President then hardly anyone will even notice you arrive. For show-offs like me I find this most disappointing!

Before you enter that room ensure that your inner voice is correct:

• I can handle this

• I am confident

• I am going to enjoy meeting some new people today

I know you won’t trust that inner voice to begin with but remember the body will do what the brain tells it and vice verse.

So put your shoulders back, open your chest, stand tall and ensure that your posture is upright, not too stiff but confident.

One other trick that can help you is to visualize an experience in your life where you felt extremely pleased and proud of yourself, where perhaps you had just achieved something, you’d passed an examination, or your driving test for example. How did you feel then? What was your body language like? Yes, head up, confident, smiling. By evoking this experience you can release the positive thoughts and emotions, your body language will respond accordingly and you will look and become more confident.

SILENCE that awful little negative voice that keeps creeping in saying things like ‘ I am going to hate this.’ ‘I can’t do this.’ ‘I wish the ground would swallow me up and I could disappear.’ ‘I wish I could escape.’ Can you see how this kind of inner voice will drag you down, and pull all your body language with it? If you believe you are going to hate it – you WILL hate it.

Look for the lone person

Make sure you arrive in plenty of time, neither too early or late. Stand just inside the room and look around you. Now, there are a number of things you can do, all of which I do myself. Look for someone who is standing on his or her own. They may be looking lost; they may be reading the program or standing with a cup of coffee but they are alone. Move forward and approach them. Don’t get too close but keep your personal space distance, smile and give them eye contact. You can then open the conversation by saying ‘Hello, is it all right if I join you?’

They will, believe me, be overwhelmed with gratitude. They smile and say, ‘Of course.’

Then you can introduce yourself. Here you may wish to extend your hand, ‘I’m Jane Smith.’
‘Harry Brown.’ ‘Is this your first time here, Harry?’ or ‘Have you been to one of these events before, Harry?’

You may have noticed that in my response I have repeated their name. This is an old trick and one that will help you remember their name. It works for me every time.

Don’t approach two people standing face to face or a threesome standing in a triangle as their body language is communicating that they do not wish to be interrupted. If you do need to break into a triangle stand just on the edge and wait until there is a change in body language or a natural gap in the conversation.

Join a queue

Another way of making contacts at these types of events is to join a queue. There is always a queue: for coffee, for lunch, for signing in, for looking at things on tables etc. It is then very simple to turn to the person behind you or in front of you and start a conversation with some thing along the lines of:

• ‘I hate these queues, don’t you?’

• ‘The food smells nice, doesn’t it?’

• ‘I’m really looking forward to my coffee, the journey

• here was dreadful this morning – did you get held up on the train?’
  

Ask questions, for example about their occupation, where they have come from, how they traveled to the venue?

Nod your head to encourage them to talk, keep eye contact relaxed and friendly, smile comfortably and tilt your head to show that you are listening to them. If you are particularly brave lightly touch them on the arm, beneath the elbow, to connect with them.

Do not overstay your welcome or hog them for the entire event but move on and try talking to someone else. As you sit down for example – ‘Is this anyone’s seat?’ ‘I’m looking forward to this seminar are you?’ ‘How far did you have to come today?’ ‘Have you been to any of these before?’ And you’re off.

What if you get stuck with the bore?

Having been brave enough to find someone to talk to, and having opened up the conversation, what happens if you then discover that you are saddled with the seminar nutcase or the complete bore? You have tried your hardest to be nice and to listen but the time has come for you to move on. How do you do this politely?

When you do need to move on you can formalize this by stretching out your hand and saying, ‘It’s been really nice meeting you/talking to you. I hope you enjoy the show/seminar, have a safe journey home.’ Or you may lightly touch them on the arm, (again below the elbow) smile and say the above without shaking hands, depending on the formality of the gathering.

Sometimes another person will enter your conversation making the group a trio. Hopefully your new contact will introduce you but if they don’t introduce yourself offer your hand and say
‘Hello I’m xxxx.’

Alternatively you may use this as the time to duck out. Make your apologies, smile and move on.

Handshake: The Formal Way To Build Rapport

The handshake is a very powerful body language gesture. You can form an instant impression of someone by the way they shake hands with you and it can also tell you a considerable amount about the person you are dealing with. Until recently the handshake was predominantly a male body language gesture and women, unless they were of a higher social class, did not shake hands. However, times have changed and there are now many more women in business and the workplace and so both men and women use the handshake.

The friendly handshake

When you greet someone you should walk forwards with your arm outstretched, not too stiff but with your elbow tucked into your waist. You should smile and hold the other person’s eye contact.

As I mentioned above, since the handshake is not the usual form of greeting for women, many men are not sure if they should shake hands with women. So, in order to eliminate this problem, women should offer their hand first.

Your handshake should be firm and dry. It is not always easy to know if you are giving a good handshake, as people won’t tell you. To find out what your handshake is like why not shake hands with someone whose opinion you trust and ask them honestly to tell you. Do you need to firm it up? Is it perhaps too strong and you need to relax it a little?

Take the whole hand and not just the fingertips. Do not pump the hand but shake it and then release it.

Building rapport through the handshake

Be attuned to the person you are shaking hands with. If they give you a firm handshake try and return the pressure, not so that you get into a wrestling match with them but just slightly. If their handshake is weaker than yours, then relax yours. This is all part of building rapport. You are in fact mirroring their body language – but more about this later.

The dominant person’s handshake

Be aware of the length of time you hold onto someone’s hand. Too long and this can be viewed as a dominant body language gesture.

I find this particularly irritating and offensive but there is little you can do about it apart from trying to wrest your hand away, which would look silly and be rather pointless. So instead force yourself to keep good steady eye contact with this person, who will also be using dominant eye contact on you – it almost becomes a battle of wills – and keep smiling, not grinning inanely, or aggressively gritting your teeth, but smiling pleasantly.

The dominant person’s handshake will be very strong, almost too strong and again, so as to avoid being cast into an inferior role in this relationship, you should return the pressure giving the non-verbal signal that you are no pushover.

The superior person’s handshake

This has many of the traits stated above. The superior (and dominant) person can offer his hand to you from a great distance away; his arm will be outstretched and stiff as he walks towards you, then he will take your hand in his vice-like grip.

He may also do the double clutch handshake, which is sometimes referred to as the Politician’s Handshake – watch newsreels to see just how many politicians use this! Here he puts his other hand on top of yours.

Your reaction? Well try putting your hand on top of his like playing ‘pat a cake’. By doing this you are effectively saying ‘Oh no you’re not in charge, I am equally superior and dominant as you ‘even if you don’t feel you are’ – it works.

A variation of this superior body language is where the person shakes your hand but also touches your shoulder.

If this is man-to-man and the other man is known to you then it can be interpreted as a friendly gesture. But if you have just met this man for the first time, or don’t know him very well, it can be interpreted as a dominant, superior gesture.

If a man touches a woman’s upper arm then it is more of an intimate gesture as is a man touching a woman’s back.

Women tend to touch each other more than men and would usually touch the lower arm.

Touching a person’s elbow, either man or woman, is a friendly gesture and usually prompts a positive response.

Tips About Appearance For Attending An Interview and Presentation

Appearing In An Interview

When attending an interview try to avoid extremes of fashion, no tight or revealing clothing, no strong perfume or aftershave or large jewelery that jangles every time you move - and don’t forget to check those shoes.

Use clothes to assert yourself, choosing the clothes that make you feel confident and that suit you. Be aware of your body shape and clothes that emphasize this or hide it. Learn to play up your strengths and down your weaknesses. Look at buying good accessories.

Trousers should not be too long and hanging over shoes. Neither should they be flying at half-mast, displaying Mickey Mouse socks or, worse, white socks. Shoes in both men and women should match the color of the trousers: brown shoes should not be worn with a dark suit, navy, black or Grey trousers. In women, shoes should be the same color or darker than a skirt, and tights or stockings should also be darker than or of the same color as the skirt.

Whether male or female, if you are wearing trousers that have belt loops then do wear a matching belt. Again, ensure that your trousers sit comfortably on you and that they are not torn in any way. Yes, I have seen a man with trousers torn at the crutch!!

Make sure your clothes fit you and that your shirt or blouse is not straining across your midriff. Also, if wearing a jacket, make sure it fits when fastened.

Appearing In A Presentation

If you are giving a presentation then think of your audience. Adapt your outfit to tone in with your audience. If I am giving a talk to a group of educationalists then I will dress smartly but more informally. I will wear neutral colors that look and feel comfortable and do not threaten the audience. White itself is a neutral color and therefore not particularly threatening unless you associate it with ‘the men in white coats’ coming to take you away, ha, ha! It can, though, sometimes be a bit overpowering and I will often soften my white with a colored scarf.

If I am giving a conference talk to a group of bankers, lawyers or accountants I will always wear a suit, usually navy blue to aid authority. Try not to choose overpowering colors or clothes as that will only overpower your message. You want people to remember you and what you talked about, not what you wore.

Research your audience and adapt your outfit to tone with your audience’s style. If your audience, however, are going to be casually dressed do not tone down your attire completely by wearing jeans and a t-shirt. You need to maintain some authority so you should be dressed casually but smartly.

Never let your appearance overpower your message.

Beware of clothes with bold patterns, and avoid dangling earrings or bracelets that jangle, which will be extremely irritating for the audience, as irritating as a man turning over the loose change in his pocket!

The Importance To Understand The Code of Color

The color of your clothes can have a considerable impact on how you are perceived. If you visit your local supermarket and look at the products on the shelves, think about the color of the packaging. Why has that company chosen blue, or green or red? What is the message that color projects? Why do we choose different colors to decorate our homes? The psychology of color also comes into play with our clothes. Not only does it have an impact on how we are perceived but also how we feel.

Have some fun with word associations – throw out a color to a group of people and ask them for their immediate reaction to that color and see what you get back. There may be some very common associations.

Different colors often have different meanings in different cultures, so be aware of this when visiting overseas or doing business abroad.

Whatever colors you choose to wear they should suit you and not drain you: here you might wish to take some expert advice. It could save you a great deal of money in the long run as you no longer waste it on buying clothes that you don’t like once you get them home from the shop.

Let’s look at some colors and see what they mean.

1. Black

In the western world black signifies formal, authority, sober but that isn’t all it means. It is often worn at funerals and old-fashioned villains and witches wore black. Priests wear black to signal submission to God and some fashion experts say that black worn by a woman signifies submission to men! But many women like black because they believe it makes them look slimmer. However, because it is such a heavy color and absorbs light, it has the opposite effect on someone who is not already slim, overpowering them and making them appear bigger and heavier and therefore making others feel rather nervous around them.

We also tend to think black is sophisticated and glamorous. It can be, but only if it suits you. Not everyone looks good in black - in fact I look like death warmed up - it drains me both physically and mentally. Men in black suits, or black pin-striped suits set off by a white shirt, can look quite stunning but they are also giving out an authoritative air. Waiters wear black and white to show they have authority on the restaurant floor and so that they can be recognized as waiters. A smartly turned out waiter or waitress in black and white can add serenity and sobriety not to mention class to a restaurant. But if you are a woman attending an interview and you decide to wear a black suit with a white blouse then beware, it is unlikely you will get the job. Why? Because black and white can be overpowering, aloof and hostile and can therefore threaten the interviewer. If the only suit you own is black and the only blouse white then try and break the harshness of this combination of colors by adding a colored scarf, or for men set it off with a colored tie. Accessories are a lot cheaper than buying a whole new suit.

2. Red

Red signifies energy and physical strength. It also signifies aggression and danger: fire engines are red. I remember reading somewhere that red cars are involved in more accidents than any other color yet red cars are popular. Why? Because red also symbolizes power. It is an intense color and often makes the wearer (or user) feel more confident. But again another word of warning: if you choose to wear red then also choose where and when to wear this color. If you are a woman and you choose to wear a red jacket to work you may find this doesn’t help you in a meeting with your male colleagues. Because it is a power color it may say that you are trying to exert your power over your male colleagues too much. If you are the boss then fine, but if not you may find yourself being isolated or attracting aggression. Men don’t wear red jackets unless they work for Butlers, the holiday and entertainment company. However, men can wear red ties and this will have the same effect as the woman wearing the red jacket. If you are involved in negotiations or conflict situations red might not be the most appropriate color to choose as it signals aggressiveness and your aim might be to gain cooperation.

3. Pink

Pink is a more tranquillizing color, soothing and feminine. All the pastel colors of pink, blue, and lilac symbolize tranquility and femininity. So you are back to deciding who you are seeing and the impression you wish to project. What is the aim of your meeting? If you need to project authority and energy, or perhaps gain promotion or get that job, dressing yourself in pastel colors may not be communicating a very confident and assertive image and this also applies to men wearing pastel colored shirts and ties.

3. Green

Green is the color of nature. It is a calming color but too much green can communicate we are lazy, too relaxed. It is not a very assertive color especially when it becomes a muddy green, which moves towards signifying death. Green is also associated with envy, resentment and possessiveness. Some people hold that it is a color of bad luck and they will not wear it or have it in the house, my mother is one such person, although personally I like it in the home but cannot
wear it, as it does not suit me. In the middle ages, brides wore green as a symbol of fertility.

4. Yellow

This is a bright, sunny, optimistic color. It is associated with the intellectual side of the mind giving out the impression of someone who is clear thinking, has good judgment and able to make decisions. However too much yellow can be overpowering. Yellow can help to build self-confidence, it enhances the concentration and conveys a good organizer but beware of a muddy yellow, which can signify liverish.

5. Blue

Blue inspires mental control and clarity. It is also associated with creativity. It is the color of the sky and ocean. It is peaceful and tranquil but can be cold and aloof. Blue is often a good color to wear to an interview as it symbolizes loyalty and productivity. Studies show that weightlifters are able to lift heavier weights in blue gyms. Too much dark blue however can be depressing.

6. Turquoise

Turquoise is invigorating. It refreshes us, lifts us and is good for stimulating communication, sensitivity and creativity. Funnily enough I often wear turquoise when writing my crime novels.

7. Brown

Brown is a solid reliable color, it is the color of the earth, bringing with it stability. It can also be sad and wistful and can imply narrow mindedness and retreat. Men tend to like brown.

8. Grey

Grey tends to have a negative feeling, as it is associated with poor weather, Grey clouds, Grey sky, heavy and dull. It is neither black nor white, the color therefore of evasion, giving the impression of lack of commitment and loneliness.

By now you’re probably trawling through your wardrobe in despair wondering what colors you can possibly wear! Well, you should:

• wear the colors that suit you and enhance your complexion, not the ones that drain you.
  

• wear the colors that make you feel comfortable and confident
  

• choose which colors to wear when and on what occasion.
  

Your Body Language During Giving Presentation

Many people are nervous when asked to give a presentation – that is perfectly natural. Your mouth dries up, your hands perspire. The adrenalin rushes in your veins and your heart goes into overdrive. Your contracting stomach robs you of hunger (though afterwards you’ll be ravenous), your legs tremble and your voice becomes strained. When we are faced with what we believe is a hostile or difficult situation we experience the Flight or Fight syndrome. Your body will prepare itself to either fight the situation or run away from it. Your body can take control but you mustn’t allow it too completely. You don’t want to eliminate nervousness because you need a certain amount to help you give a better performance – some great actors still suffer terrible stage fright before they perform – so being nervous is natural. It is controlling these nerves that is important.

American researchers asked 3,000 people what they feared most – 40 per cent gave speaking before a large audience as the affliction they most dreaded.

One of the greatest fears that people have is that all eyes are on them when they stand to resent. Soinstead of thinking about all those people looking at you, you need to reverse it – you must think of yourself as giving out to those people. You must feel (and tell yourself) that it is you who is in control. Also be aware that potentially the audience is more nervous than you are! They want you to be good. They want you to succeed.

Overcoming nervousness

To help overcome nervousness, especially right at the beginning when it is worse, the trick is to divert eyes from you.

Two ways of doing this are:

• Put up a visual and ask people to look at it. That way you can chat quite happily about what is on the chart without people looking at you
  

• Start with a question to the audience, for example, if your talk is about the increase in violence you could ask, ‘How many of you here today are worried about violence in the community?’ Hands go up. Then, ‘The gentleman in the blue jacket, what particularly worries you?’ All eyes are now on him. You can carry on this technique by asking another person in the audience for their opinion.
  

Use questions and flip charts to get involvement and draw attention away from you.

When your speech begins stand slowly, keep your hand movements slow and deliberate. Smile. Keep smiling. Let your eyes rove the audience. Don’t hurry. Come out to the front, smile, open your arms in a welcome gesture.

As you start to speak look at everybody in the room. With small groups acknowledge each one with eye contact. With larger groups you’ll have spots where you should rest your eyes for a moment and then sweep on to the next. These spots should be dotted around the auditorium. If you don’t make eye contact with the back of the hall it is unlikely that your voice will reach the back row either.

Do not be tempted into giving your talk to the only friendly face and ignore the rest. You need to make good steady eye contact with those who look bored and cynical. This takes courage but it works. Someonewho appears downright awkward and resistant in an audience can be looking like this because they feel superior to everyone else and/or because the subject is threatening. By making extra eye contact with them they start to feel that you are acknowledging their significance and they feel less threatened because they trust you.

Don’t hide behind a lectern or table. It will create a barrier. Equally don’t talk to the wall or the flip chart or walk up and down, sway, or keep rising on your toes.

With a large audience the personal space zone is about twelve feet, drawing inwards with smaller audiences.

Watch out for those mannerisms like scratching, rubbing your nose, pulling ears, turning over your loose change in your pockets and fastening and unfastening your jacket.

Always stand rather than sit. Your energy level is different when you stand and you look more powerful. If you are giving a long talk or a training session always stand at the outset to establish authority. When you want to gain confidence and be more like one of the audience then you can sit, i.e. during question and answer sessions.

Don’t stand with your hands folded in front of the body in the vicar/fig leaf position or clasped behind your back like a policeman! In the drawing opposite our man has his legs firmly planted apart and a smile on his face with head tilted back, this tends to make him look superior.

Your Appearance – The Critical Part of You

Most of us are familiar with makeover programs on the television and articles in magazines where a man or a woman is given a new look. Often the results can be quite startling and the individual feels elated. We all get stuck in a rut, buying familiar styles and colors that we feel comfortable with. There is nothing wrong with this but from time to time it does us good to reassess ourselves and to consider the impression we’re giving out to others; is it the right impression?

If we try and wear the same clothes at forty as we did at sixteen (if they still fit us) how do you think that would look? Yes, pretty foolish I think. The way to feel and look younger is not to embrace the latest fashion fads, nor to stick with those tired old clothes we found so invigorating when young but to reassess our appearance as we get older and find styles, colours and clothes that suit us and can reflect our personalities; clothes that are timeless and stylish and of the best quality we can afford and hence give us a boost in confidence.

Over the years our skin tone changes, so too does our hair colour. Our shape alters and because of these changes our clothes, make up, hairstyle all need to change.

By changing clothes, hairstyle etc. you can feel completely different, often rejuvenated and your body language and communication style will therefore also change. You feel, look and act differently. People will then respond to you differently.

Research conducted by Professor Albert Mehrabian, a psychologist, showed that our decisions about the people we meet are based on the following:

• 55 per cent what we see

• 38 per cent what we hear

• 7 per cent the words we are speaking

We’re going to take each of these in the following writing, examine them and see how we can use them to communicate a more confident image. But first what we need to understand the importance of our appearance.

Strategy To Set Your Body Language Before Interviews

Interviews make us nervous so taking time to prepare for an interview will go some way to easing those nerves.

• Make sure that you are wearing the right clothes and that you are well groomed, and don’t forget those shoes – they need to be clean and well heeled.
  

• Get the right inner voice

1. I can handle this
2. I am confident
3. I have prepared well for this interview
4. I know my strengths and weaknesses and I will give it my best shot.
   

NOT To Do

1. I hate interviews
2. I’m sure I’m going to fail
3. There are going to be far more qualified/experienced people than me
4. I know I won’t be able to answer any of their questions
5. I know I won’t get the job

If you hear any of these destructive voices in your head then SILENCE them and convert them to a positive inner dialogue.

• Tell yourself that you are confident, put your shoulders back, open your chest, hold your head up, smile. Shake hands if the interviewer offers his/her hand and remember that your handshake should be dry and firm, taking the whole hand. Give good eye contact.
  

• Sit when invited to do so. If you are being interviewed by a panel you may have your chair positioned some distance away from the interviewers. This can be very daunting but maintain that positive inner voice. The panel can see all your body language gestures so ensure you keep your body language open, legs uncrossed, arms and hands resting lightly in front of you on your lap or on the arms of the chair. Keep your body language movements to a minimum but you can angle your body to the speaker/questioner.
  

• Sit upright, look and be alert. Sit forward to convey real interest. Keep your eyes on the speaker, moving eye contact to the person who is asking you questions if there is more than one interviewer and then, when you have answered, sweeping your eye contact to the rest of the panel. Remember to smile if you can.
  

Don’t

1. slouch;
2. look down at your hands,
3. out of the window,
4. at the ceiling
5. fold your arms tightly across your body.

• In interviews don’t threaten the interviewer’s personal space by invading it. I saw this happen once when an interviewee lunged across a dividing table at the interviewer who sprang back and completely forgot what she was going to ask. Needless to say the applicant didn’t get the job.
  

We often place a barrier in front of us to mark our personal space. Behind this barrier we feel comfortable and safe. We can also feel superior. Interviewers and bosses do this, which is not always a good interviewing tactic or one for team building, as you cannot get to know the other person with a barrier between you. Doctors used to do this but many no longer do so. However some medical consultants still use this as a way of clearly defining the patient– doctor relationship. Do not put anything on the interviewer’s desk or table without asking permission first and that also goes for the sales interview. The desk or table is their territory and you are invading it if you don’t ask their permission.

Personal space: What Is The Meaning?

A word about personal space before we move onto interviewing and presentations body language. Personal space is the distance you feel comfortable with when meeting or reacting with another person. It varies from country to country between individuals and genders, and in different situations. For example, the Italians and French have a much closer personal space distance and are more tactile than the British or Germans. The Japanese and Chinese have closer body space zones and in India the personal space zone is practically non-existent.

In Britain the personal space distance is about three feet hence the old saying ‘keep them at arm’s length’, which is approximately three feet. This is why we often feel uncomfortable when someone sits next to us on a bus or train, or at a seminar. It is why we put our bags or briefcases on the seat beside us; we are creating and establishing our own personal space. In crowded places like trains or the Underground in rush hour, or a crowded lift, it is not possible to have the
personal space we like around us. In these situations people will often not look at one another but will look at the ceiling or the floor, and/or they will angle their body language away from the other person. Where this is not always possible you will find that we keep our body language movements down to a minimum, keeping very still.

Those we like and know we will allow closer to us.

In the networking situation previously described we need to keep personal space distance between us. If someone we don’t know very well gets too close then we tend to back off.

Cloths: Represent You To Others

People will form an impression of you based on what you are wearing.

Of course that sounds extremely shallow and it is. That impression may be completely wrong but whether you like it or not it is a fact of life that your appearance says a great deal about you.

But it is no good creating a false impression, the one you project needs to reflect who you are and what you are capable of. You need to be comfortable with your image and that only comes with being comfortable with who you are inside.

If you choose to mirror someone else image or style, a well known singer or celebrity for example, then you are bound to be disappointed because you can never be like them. You are a different person with a different shape, style and personality.

You are you and you need to be proud of that and confident in yourself to project it.

If you choose to dress ‘outrageously’ then that is your choice, however you must be prepared for reactions you may get from others, which could vary from hilarity to alienation.

We all have our ‘uniforms’, suits for the office, green Wellingtons, Barbours and checked shirts for the country, designer clothes, leathers for the motorbike riders. Some of these uniforms are donned because they are practical. You wouldn’t wear an evening suit on a country walk, would you? But uniforms also have another purpose, they show you belong and belonging to a group is part of a human need. By dressing outside that group’s norm you are signaling that you don’t belong and can therefore feel and indeed be isolated. I am sure most of you reading this book can identify a time when you wore the wrong clothes to a function and felt awful and out of place. Perhaps you were too casually dressed for the occasion, or overdressed.

Clothes also affect the way we feel and therefore our body language. For example you move very differently if dressed in glamorous evening attire as opposed to a tracksuit, or in a suit as opposed to jeans.

If your clothes are old, worn, tatty and dirty, what impression is that giving out? What is this saying to others? How does it make you feel?

If your clothes are clean and tidy what impression are you projecting? How do you feel? You may not be able to afford the top quality designer wear or the most expensive clothes, but there is no excuse for looking dirty or scruffy, as my dear father used to say and he had very little money and used to buy his clothes from charity shops. You can find some great bargains in charity shops and at the same time know you are helping a worthwhile cause. So you don’t need a fortune in order to look good.

You can also do wonders with a needle and sewing machine or with knitting needles; you can make the latest designer fashions very cheaply. I am both an amateur dressmaker and knitter, not a very good one, but practice makes perfect and it is a very enjoyable and rewarding pastime. You can make children’s clothes very cheaply as well as your own and you can look good and individual.

If your clothes are rather on the old side because perhaps you can’t afford new ones then maybe you can update them slightly (with that needle and thread) or you can take them to a dressmaker or tailor who can update them for you.

Whatever you do, do ensure that your clothes are clean and well pressed. Try not to wear shirts with frayed necks and cuffs unless you really don’t care what impression you give out, or you have the inner confidence and personality to carry it off.

Different nationalities have their own ‘uniform’ and customs, be aware of this and don’t let it prejudice the way you communicate.

Giving some careful consideration to the impression you wish to convey and the objectives you wish to achieve can help you to choose the right clothes.

This is a quote taken from my local newspaper from a woman who was interested in meeting a partner and was going to local pubs, and social functions with that aim.

‘I spoke to a couple of men but because I was wearing quite a low cut top they spent time talking to my cleavage rather than to me!’

Well there’s a surprise! If this woman was really serious about meeting someone she could have a conversation with, and who was interested in her as a person then perhaps she shouldn’t have had so much cleavage on view?

At work the general rule for women in the western business world is: the more flesh you show the less credible you are. If you arrive at the office dressed for the disco, in the tightest, skimpiest clothes you can find then how do you think the hot-blooded men around you are going to react?

Of course they are. That may be your intended desire to inflame some passions but make sure you don’t get your fingers burnt. I’ve lost count of the number of times women have said to me in my career, ‘Why aren’t I taken seriously?’ I’ve simply told them to take a long hard look in the mirror at what they’re wearing to the office and think about the effect it has on their male colleagues. And what about men in the workplace? Well they’ve got their suit, haven’t they? But times have changed and are changing. There are now many more dress options for men going to work from the smart to the smart casual and casual-casual. Just how casual do you dress on a Friday dress down day? That interview you are attending – what is the dress code of that particular company? Will you be overdressed in a suit and tie when everyone wears open necked shirts and chinos? Do you wear colored shirts or a white shirt? I once did some work for a company where the Managing Director told me he wouldn’t employ anyone wearing a colored shirt!

Before attending an interview perhaps it would be advisable to telephone the company and ask if they have a dress code and what it is.

If you aspire to a management position then you should always dress the part. In fact you should always dress for the next level up and not the level you currently hold if you wish to be noticed and considered. This does not always mean adopting a formal style of dressing because it depends on the industry you are working in and the ‘uniform’ or ‘dress code’ within that industry.

Do make sure your shoes are clean and that goes for both men and women. I have sat in on a number of sales presentations, promotion and job interviews when a candidate has ruined his/her overall impression by having dirty or scuffed, shoddy shoes. This can be all it takes to cause you to fail. Interviews can be nerve racking and difficult as it is without adding to it by neglecting your appearance.

Choosing what to wear to work, for a sales presentation or job interview can sometimes be a difficult choice, particularly so for women who have more scope for error than men because they have more choice.

So ask yourself:

• Where am I going?

• Why am I going there?

• What is the normal dress code or uniform for

• that occasion or group of people?

• What impression do I wish to project?

• What should I wear?