Race Till They Drop

March 3, 2010 (GBN News): In a last ditch effort to help their states qualify for “Race to the Top” funding, a growing number of school districts around the country have begun summarily firing all of their teachers. The strong public support by Education Secretary Arne Duncan and President Obama for the recent Central Falls, Rhode Island school board decision to fire every one of the district’s 100 teachers has apparently spurred a nationwide effort to do likewise in order to secure Federal stimulus funds.

At last count, GBN News estimates that over 253,000 teachers have already been fired in 34 states, and the number continues to grow by the hour. This is causing parents to begin to wonder just who will be teaching their children. But Utah State Senator Chris Buttars says not to worry. The Senator, who recently proposed eliminating the senior year of high school, has a simple solution. “Just use high school seniors to teach the younger kids,” he said to reporters in Salt Lake City. “They’re doing nothing but playing around anyhow.”

Secretary Duncan, for one, thinks the Senator is onto something. “That’s the type of creative thinking we need to turn around schools in this country,” he told GBN News in an exclusive interview. “They’ll be new, fresh faces that won’t be wedded to the status quo. They won’t cost a cent, since it would be like an internship. And they won’t even demand tenure, because it would only keep them from going on to college.”